"Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway."-Earl Nightingale
It's a Sunday and I'm sick. Sick like I'm slightly dizzy from some on-again off-again fever and my nose is dripping like the shower faucet that my landlord supposedly "fixed". Normally on this particular Sunday I would be at work. I never call in sick. I typically go into work regardless of how sick I am or the fact that my PTO accrual is practically untouched. I have become overly proud of it's nearly virginal status. I scoff at myself, my obsessive need to be more busy than the next person is so American and a drastic over-correction of my former self. Let me catch you up...
I grew up in a middle-american Mitten. What started out as a very normal and average upbringing of two parents, a couple siblings, and dog in a small town morphed into an even more normal and average separation of said parents and single-mother upbringing.
There are a lot things to be said here. I find it all interesting but I'm sure not everyone would. Despite this, it will probably all get puked up on here eventually...
But basically, fast-forward into my young adulthood where I finally went a little wild. When I say wild, you would probably say normal. I went all R.E.M and lost my religion, I started drinking and smoking cigarettes and other (natural) smoking plants. I didn't get reckless. I just became open to life and all the possible opportunities and experiences it had to offer.
Originally I had intended to become a lawyer fighting for human rights. I became a massage therapist to put myself through law school. The problem I soon realized was that the market for lawyers was over-saturated and promised a bright future of long work days, low paychecks and high student loans. I didn't have a great back-up plan so I coasted.
I don't look down on this part of my life. I think it was necessary. After having my heart broken one too many times I started dating men with a serious casualty. With no one to compromise with I became vegan and more myself than I ever have or will be again. I was free. I had a wonderful job and only worked 3-4 days a week for less than 8 hours where I really got to help people. I lived across the street from a quaint, local irish pub. On the hot summer nights, I would sit on the rooftop and listen to the music and often wander in with friends or strangers. Unlike a lot of young, single women I valued this time. I admit I was anxiously awaiting the day I would meet my future partner but I knew once it happened everything would change. I would no longer be as free to live how I wanted. I also moved massage jobs around and at one time became unemployed and had to move back home. Looking back, I can easily say I didn't have to. I said it was because I had gotten into a bad lease and didn't want to rush into anything new. I claimed I couldn't find another job that would work for me. But all of that is untrue. I was just exhausted of being so free. I needed some structure.
After a month or two of financial fear, I started working at a nursing home. I said I never would and that I never could. Yet, I did. Like so many things in life, the more you protest the more it becomes inevitable. What came out of that experience was a lot of great life lessons, a couple of friends and an answer.
I moved on to work at the local hospital which is pretty much a dream job for any nursing assistant. While a great job for my qualifications, it's still a hard job that doesn't pay so well. I couldn't handle another full time care position so I work there part-time and began doing massage again part-time with another great company. I find myself most happily settled in the middle of the western and eastern medicinal worlds and believe balance in life is the key to everything. But lean more towards what I say than what I do because I work over 50 hours a week between my two jobs and am also in my second semester back at school to become a nurse. Like my mother. Like I said I would never, ever do. I don't want to just stop at my BSN though, I want to continue on and become a nurse anesthetist. I have a long road ahead of me and while it isn't something I am thrilled about, I've learned the time will pass anyway. I will blink and this time, too, will have passed. I will be fully finished with school and something else will fill my thoughts and time.
My boyfriend of around five years and I also moved in together this past summer and got a dog. Drew has just turned thirty and is the online store manager for a popular local brewery. He's the very geeky, coffee drinking type. He might be needing glasses now but he's too afraid that he will fully appear as a cultural cliche. I know he'll give in eventually, especially because I think glasses are sexy. He's sarcastic, sexy, silly and a great cook. While highly empathetic he's also fairly unemotional. Everyone thinks we have the perfect relationship. But no relationship is perfect. Ours has been pretty far from perfect this past year and we're working on it.
So, I'm home sick and drinking tea. I switch between listening to Daughter on iheartradio and some NPR streaming while my big, sweet pitbull leans against me. Today, I'm blowing out mucus every five seconds and my eyes are exhausted from nothing. I have withstood much more eventful days. But I am proud of myself for staying home and taking care of myself. My focus this year is creating my life to be one of balance while having goals and vision. I want to mindful. I'm not there. I'm not even close. I'm just doing my best.
I'm only twenty something.
